Keeping you abreast, Vol. 8

Winter 2005

Yes, yes, I know. It's been a while since you've gotten an update from me. Twelve weeks of weekly chemo, plus getting ready for the holidays and keeping up with the kids has kept me busy. But now I am doing the happy-happy-joy-joy dance because ...

I AM FINISHED WITH CHEMO!

Merry Christmas to me. And to all those who have had to put up with me and have helped me get through this the last six months.

The side effects from this latest round weren't as severe as the first round (in fact, I had the opposite problem of gaining weight this time from all the steroids, ugh!), but the weekly thing takes its toll pretty quickly. And the side effects got worse as I went along.

You may remember I have said before that I was open to answering any and all questions about this experience. But it seems many of you are still afraid to ask, other than "How are you doing?" Well, that one is harder to answer than some other things I know you are dying to know about. So here's a Q&A, things I bet you wanted to ask but were afraid, embarrassed, whatever.

Q: So what's up with your chest? I thought you had a double mastectomy but you sure don't look flat-chested anymore.

A: Well, I never planned on staying boobless forever, so I have been paying a few visits lately to my friendly plastic surgeon. You may recall that when I had my mastectomies performed back in April, the plastic surgeon at that time put in tissue expanders to help stretch things out and make pockets for me to get some implants down the road. Well, I'm nearing the end of that road! Every few weeks, I go to the plastic surgeon and they inject my expanders (inflate-a-boobs I call them) with saline, and like magic, my chest grows! I am just about where I need to be to get my permanent implants put in (another surgery, unfortunately) in the next couple of months.


Q: Do the inflate-a-boobs hurt when you get them filled up?

A: Yes, for a couple of days. Most of the time they are just uncomfortable, very hard, like having two rocks attached to your chest. Can't wait to get rid of them. The saline implants will be much softer.


Q: What's up with your hair? Can you go without a hat yet?

A: I guess I could, because I do have some hair, but it's still that obvious "something's not right there" look. I have enough hair to feel comfortable wearing a baseball cap without a bandana underneath, but I'm not brave enough to go without a hat yet. Hopefully in the next month or so. My hair does seem to be growing in pretty quickly. I'm told it's dark blonde, but it sure looks like brown to me. And so far it's not curly, but laying flat on my head.


Q: Did your eyelashes and eyebrows fall out?

A: Not completely. They both thinned out quite a bit, but enough of them hung in there for me to avoid that "wow, she looks really sick look." At least that's what I'm telling myself. Others may disagree.


Q: So you're done with chemo, that means you're done and you're cured, right?

A: Ha -- I wish! I'm happy to be done with chemo because the side effects are so draining -- chemo attacks many different kinds of healthy cells as well as cancer cells. Now I get a whole week off (woohoo) before starting my next treatment regimen. I will go every three weeks for the next nine months to get a drug called Herceptin. I still have to get it intravenously, but Herceptin is a targeted therapy drug, meaning it attacks only a specific type of cancer cells. The side effects are minimal for most people, and I can drive myself to and from the treatments. It's also a much shorter infusion, which will mean spending about 2 hours at Emory instead of 4 or 5.
   Also, in about a month, I will begin taking a daily pill called Tamoxifen. This is an estrogen blocker, also targeted to keep any cancer cells left over from being able to grow because my cancer is the type that feeds on estrogen. This has been shown to be a very effective type of therapy, but there will be some downsides for me -- like menopause at the age of 35! I will take Tamoxifen for five years. That's right, five years!


Q: So after all that, you're cured right?

A: Well, the docs will never promise you that. The statistics are certainly in my favor since I have been so aggressive, but you never really know. I did have a particularly aggressive form of cancer  -- it managed to reach two lymph nodes even though I didn't have a single tumor bigger than 1 cm. (For some reason breast cancer tends to be more aggressive in younger women). And that means it could be anywhere. And if  just one little cancer cell manages to escape all the stuff we're throwing at it, it could mean trouble for me down the road. I'm afraid that I will always worry about it coming back. And now lots of new studies are showing that once you have breast cancer, you are much more likely to get lots of other types of cancers down the road (as high as 20 percent more likely in some cases). I am seeing an oncology-gynecologist next month to discuss some preventative actions in that area -- I may end up having a complete hysterectomy down the road to prevent ovarian and/or uterine cancer. Heck, I'm done with those organs anyway!


Q: What's your mental state? Are you really as upbeat as many of your e-mails sound?

A: Of course not! At least not all the time. I have been up and down and all over the place emotionally. Sometimes depressed, sometimes anxious, sometimes downright grumpy. But being done with chemo has lightened my mood considerably. And other survivors tell me that someday, things will seem almost normal to me. A new normal, I guess.


Q: Do you ever get mad at God for giving you cancer?

A: God did not give me cancer. I got cancer and He is helping me through it.


Q: Why do you write such long e-mails?

A: Good question. Time to stop.


Got a question you would like to see answered? E-mail mwilson@ajc.com.


I hope everyone has a blessed holiday season.

Love,
Michelle